Yes, I am positively sure (and not dreaming) that Christmas is here in less than a day’s time. Look at that. Just like that, it’s here. I can’t even.
I remember a time when Christmas used to be my favorite holiday. Though my parents didn’t really teach us to expect gifts (i.e. I am not sanay to receive gifts. LIKE NOT REALLY SANAY,) I always look forward to Christmas dinner, seeing grandpa and grandma, watching cartoons til morning, playing games, down to the last thing on the list of Christmas Eve-Day to-do’s which btw can grow as long as we can think of something to do. The next day, we visit relatives. We receive something, but not much. But it’s heartwarming to receive something and to see all of them and share food and drinks (and the old men will always be drunk!) We’ll go back home, tired of all the chatter-blabber but we know we had fun and there’s a year ahead of us to expect Christmas again.
I guess it ain’t the same when you grow up.
Christmas Eve. 24th of December. Everyone is in the house. School/Office are called off for a moment (or in my case, I almost spent Christmas day in the hospital. I shudder.) Everybody’s prepping for the Noche Buena. Cleaning the house. Chopping ingredients. You’ll check email every once in a while, find out you need to finish some last-minute work. It eats up all your time. You turn on the TV. Every station has their own crappy holiday special. Or maybe not really crappy — but you know? It’s just so commercialized. It’s almost Christmas dinner. You’re sleepy and you’re hungry. What on earth were you thinking to wait for midnight to eat dinner?! Isn’t it supposed to be midnight snack or something? But no, you have to watch your weight. Then Noche Buena comes. You eat, take pictures, laugh a little, argue who’s gonna do the dishes (I’ll normally say, “hey I cooked, bitches”) Then it’s settled. You open gifts after. After some years of innocence, I always intentionally forget to give someone a gift. Don’t ask. Then you sleep sparingly and you head to the relatives’ place in hours’ time.
Christmas day. 25th of December. Roads are empty. Malls are closed. You get in the car with the family, and you can’t take that EVERY radio station plays Christmas songs. AREN’T THEY FED UP?! It’s been on, for like, since September! Anyway, finally you arrive the relative’s house. You talk about your life (or why hasn’t you have a girlfriend or whatnot. WTF do they care?!) More and more chatter. Until then, it’s a blur. You just wanna shut off all of them, read a book or play Pokemon or something. The next thing you know is that you’re headed home, your energy’s drained and WHY THE HELL WERE YOU OUT AGAIN?! I could’ve slept and rested. But oh well, you don’t get to be Grinch, or Scrooge, or even just yourself and say Christmas is just another day in the freakin’ calendar. It’s always the day for them.
Then we have to do it all over again. Oh bummer.
I don’t know exactly why I’m having these realizations this Christmas Eve’s morn. Last year, I already knew Christmas isn’t my favorite holiday anymore (It’s New Year’s Day now anyway) and I even came up with a to-do list for Christmas Eve. So positive, ain’t it? I don’t get it now though. I’m just being transparent. Definitely I am NOT bitter. I am NOT hating. But I just really feel nothing this Christmas. I can’t feel it.
It will be just another day in the calendar. And people will wait another 365 days to splurge, get fat, and get broke.
I am not the Grinch who will steal Christmas. I am not Scrooge who hate Christmas. But I’m just Jonver who ain’t fond of Christmas. But that doesn’t mean Christmas can’t be happy. Like any other day, we can all be happy TODAY.